The 20/20 Tour
Seeing BOTH sides clearly…
VIRTUAL GALLERY TALK
Since the tour got cut short due to the pandemic, we decided to make a video to discuss the portraits, stories and behind the scenes process of the exhibit along with a panel of esteemed guests! This video premiered on October 3, 2020 as part of Lexington Pride’s Virtual Festival!
Dear Viewer,
Coming out can be scary and difficult for everyone involved. Even our families have a coming out process too. I realized that after I saw Daddy cry for the first time when I came out to him as a gay man in a multi-page letter similar to this one that not only serves as an artist statement and also as a story! Although everyone’s story is unique, there are common themes that resonate in all of them. There are shared fears and anxieties on both sides. SO WHY IS IT SO HARD TO TALK ABOUT?
That’s what Cleaning Closets® has been exploring since 2012 with stories from both sides of the closet door. In this newest iteration—
The 20/20 Tour —you can see both sides clearly with a collection of stories and portraits specifically from Kentuckians across the state. Since this iteration of the project is also traveling to our hometown, I knew it was important to collaborate with my sister Frances.
When Jonathan approached me, I was excited to team up with my Big Brother on a project of this significance. I knew I was INSTANTLY in! No second thoughts about it! After all, we are the other side of each other’s stories.
Throughout the process of collecting these stories, we realized it was important to share with you a side of ourselves. And so, as you make your way through the exhibit, you’ll learn our personal histories of coming out as well as our journey through this project. We implore you to see the world through new perspectives. We invite you to engage with the exhibit by sharing your thoughts along the way on social media. And you can also get a deeper look into these stories with extra features exclusively found on the website. This project was made possible through a partnership with PFLAG Central Kentucky, a grant from JustFundKY, and several Ally Supporters...
The Closet
The Closet is a symbol of concealing one’s truth from the rest of the world. It represents the secrets that we all hide. What happens, though, when we set the door ajar? Or invite someone else in? Or guide someone else out? What happens when we barricade ourselves inside our closet?
Have you ever wondered if you’re hiding the same things in your closet as someone else? Sometimes you need to clean your closet to gain perspective.
Notice how the different storytellers below pose with the closet door and how they physically interpret their own stories. How would you pose? Take a picture and show us! Don’t forget to use #ccTour2020 and tag Cleaning Closets!
...Growing up in a small Bible Belt town in a time between the AIDS epidemic and the explosion of the internet, no one ever talked positively about homosexuality because there was no healthy representation of the LGBTQ+ community in the media. All I was told about being gay in the early ‘90s was that you would get AIDS, die and go to Hell. Before I knew anything about myself, my peers were tormenting me on a daily basis with words like sissy, fa**ot, queer and even gaywad. As early as the fourth grade, I had thoughts of suicide. Suddenly in my junior year of high school, something clicked and I came out to myself. However, I felt safer keeping it secret until college.
For me, growing up was not as difficult in the sense of my sexual identity. I had crushes on boys and girls, but I wasn’t even paying attention to that. Jonathan and I were both more focused on school, friends, and extracurricular activities. People did ask me if my brother was gay in high school, but I wasn’t sure, and I told them it didn’t f**king matter. He is who he is, and I love him no matter what!
So when we heard from one of our closest childhood friends that our hometown of Shelbyville was hosting its inaugural Pride, we immediately registered a booth. On September 14, 2019 we set up a makeshift studio under a canopy in the park and collected several stories and portraits. We expected to clash with protestors on this day, but never expected to see so many young people and their families turn out in support of equality. However, the protesters’ peaceful rhetoric soon turned into Hate Preach as they began spouting twisted stereotypes and passing out the Jesus pamphlets you see in the exhibit. Allies and queer folx alike retorted with the popular hashtag “LoveIsLove” to which the protestors posed a question that stuck in all of our minds:
SHELBYVILLE PRIDE
April, 31,
She/Her/Hers
April, a bisexual woman who identifies both as white and Native American, poses triumphantly with her daughter Chrisalei. April knew she liked both men and women at the age of 13 but she didn’t know what to call it. She first came out to her cousin at an early age, and she was supportive. She almost didn’t tell her parents, but thought it would be best in case she ever brought a woman home. But her family loves and supports her no matter what.
Angela & Angel
She/Her/Hers & She/Her/Hers
Angela and Angel are kindred spirits who are loving life together since they got married in October of 2016. But life wasn’t always easy for the couple. Prior to knowing each other, they both had difficult childhoods. Angela mostly stayed to herself and only had her sister to turn to. Thankfully, her sister has consistently stuck by her side ever since, before and after Angela came out to her in middle school. However, Angela still thought that her family would banish her from their house and hearts for being a lesbian or for wanting to one day fully transition. She said, “Their beliefs scared me.” Angel grew up in a home where beliefs were used as a scare tactic. She was adopted by her grandparents because her parents struggled with substance abuse. Her grandparents were “very strict, religious and abusive.” Just before high school, Angel came out to her uncle and his wife who were both accepting but they convinced her not to tell anyone else in the family—especially her grandparents. When Angel’s grandfather did find out that she was a lesbian, he started spouting quotes from the Bible and threatened to send her to conversion camp to “fix the abomination.” That’s when Angel decided to hide her truth until she ran away on her 18th birthday. Angel no longer has any relationship with her family. None of them even acknowledge her. She feels dead to them. Both Angela and Angel struggled with confusion over not feeling an attraction toward the opposite sex. They both had fears come true of becoming the black sheep of the family. They both found solace in each other.
OMAR, 46 He/Him/His
Mi historia:
Mi nombre es Omar Gallegos. Provengo de un pequeño pueblo de el estado de Nayarit México. Tengo 46 anos y soy gay. Desde que tengo uso de razon senti atraccion por el mismo sexo. No entendía el porqué y hablar del tema o de mis sentimientos ante mi familia era algo que no podía hacer, por temor al rechazo. Crecí con los valores de una religión que si haces algo malo el infierno te espera, pero como confrontar mis sentimientos con mi religión? Así crecí con ese temor, termine mis estudios entre burlas y golpes y sufriendo en silencio con esta carga tan pesada para mi edad sin entender el porque yo? Tenía a esa edad 2 hermanos mayores que eran el ejemplo del típico macho mexicano. Me aterraba la idea de que supieran mi realidad y que fuese excomulgado de la familia, pero el peor temor era a mi papá, un hombre íntegro y respetado por la comunidad -Dios mio, dame fuerzas para soportar tanto y salir adelante, siempre me decía. Confundido y agobiado, opte por una decisión equivocada mas no perdida. Me uni a la Iglesia y al sacerdocio sin éxito.
Cuando entendí (al igual que los clérigos) que no era mi vocación, salí peor de lo que llegue.
Pero con la certeza de algo mayor. Para esto ya alcancé la mayoría de edad y tomé la firme decisión de afrontar mis miedos y confrontar a mi familia. Convoque a todos a una reunión y con firmeza y terror hable de mis sentimientos, lo que yo era y lo que yo deseaba. “Mamá, papá, hermanos y hermanas, gracias por acompañarme en estos momentos, de antemano les agradezco su presencia. La razón de esta reunión es para expresar lo que tanto me está matando. “Necesito de su ayuda y entendimiento porque ya no puedo más. “Soy homosexual y necesito ayuda, no para cambiar si no para liberarme de esta carga que me esta consumiendo en vida. Ya no puedo más" Podía ver los rostros de ellos llenos de lágrimas y decepción pero mi hermana mayor fue la primera en pararse y darme un abrazo, yo no pude contener mis lagrimas al igual que mi mama y mis otras hermanas. Lo único que me dijeron fue que yo era su hermano y que tenía todo su apoyo. Mi madre, se paró en silencio, me abrazó y me dijo, yo te traje a este mundo y eres mi hijo, y siempre contaras con mi apoyo.
(Amigos lectores, fue un momento emotivo para mí, ver a mi madre darme su abrazo, fue un abrazo diferente a los que siempre me daba. Cálido y tierno.) Mi padre y mis hermanos estaban en shock por la noticia, pero mi madre firme y con voz autoritaria les dijo, "miren cabrones, este es su hermano y tuvo los suficientes pantalones para abrir su corazón y merece todo su respeto" y así fue. Me abrazaron y fue todo Mi padre estaba atónito. Y yo esperando su respuesta. Se paro, me dijo, "yo estoy con tu madre" Y fue todo. Mis queridos amigos desde ese dia me senti libre, liviano y sobre todo liberado. Decidí emigrar a los estados unidos después de la muerte de mi padre, no sin mencionar que después de ese Bendito dia mi relación con el fue más abierta. Estuve en Arizona por 10 años tratando de encontrar lo que tanto me faltaba, el amor pero sin éxito. Mi hermano con el que estuve allá en Arizona falleció y los años que viví con él fueron los mejores de mi vida, fue una gran guia para mi y un gran amigo. Termine mudándome para Kentucky con mi hermana y su familia y aquí me tienen, luchando dia tras dia, aun sin encontrar mi media naranja. Pero se que algun dia llegara. Gracias por esta oportunidad de contar mi historia y espero que sirva para ayudar a crear conciencia a todos aquellos que están en la misma situación. Recuerden que no están solos, me tienen a mi, aqui tienen un gran amigo que esta dispuesto a escuchar y ayudar en lo que se pueda. Para my editor de antemano gracias por esta oportunidad y que su proyecto tenga exito para tocar mas corazones. Su siempre amigo y un admirador.
Omar Gallegos.
Sandi & Shelby
This mother hugs her daughter in support and love at the Shelbyville Pride Fest on September 14, 2019.
Nikki, She/Her/Hers
Nikki joined the armed services to prove her masculinity. But when she came to terms with being a trans woman, she spiraled into addiction. Her partner Brittney was confused but stayed by her side.
Above, I discuss Shelbyville’s inaugural Pride Fest with Tom, one of the attendees.
Derby City Sisters
The Derby City Sisters (DCS) is a non-profit organization based in Louisville and is an Order of The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, an international charitable organization. Their mission is to support, educate, and develop the LGBTQ+ community. The original Order of The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence was founded in 1979 over Easter weekend in San Francisco.
Clockwise order: Sister SlutMuffin the Magnificent, Sister Petty Davis, Postulate Sister Breast Wishes (now sister breast wishes) and Blair travelled all the way from Louisville to support their friends in Shelby County at the town’s first-ever pride festival. In this portrait, you’ll find each of them in their fabulousness, but notice how two of the sisters have strikingly different looks. Each chapter has their own set of confidential by-laws, but you can see that postulant sisters may not wear the same attire and makeup.
Blair, 20,
They/Them
Blair identifies as queer and non-binary and is from Louisville, Kentucky. They are currently a Postulant Sister with the Derby City Sisters. They learned about the Sisters when they were 14 years old and working for Louisville Youth Group. At age 18, they met a Sister online who helped them find food and resources. When Blair was 12, they heard a classmate come out as bisexual and realized that they like men. Blair’s brother beat them when he found out, forcing them back in the closet. Blair came out as gay to their mom, to which she responded, “cool, what do you want for dinner?” Later, Blair met some gender non-binary folk and realized that’s a term that fits them best because they didn’t want to be a woman, but didn’t feel aligned with their sex assigned at birth. But it’s difficult for Blair’s mom to affirm their gender identity. But hopefully one day that will change.
Sister Breast Wishes, 54, Any Pronouns
Sister Breast Wishes officially became sworn in as a full-fledged Sister at the very end of 2019. She joined the organization at the suggestion of her doctor to deal with depression. She knew if she was going to volunteer, that she had to do it with the Derby City Sisters. Sister Breast Wishes has had a lot of jobs over the years, but she’s definitely always an artist!
...While working on The 20/20 Tour, Frances and I met people from all over the state, including Lexington where she currently lives. Lexington is where I visited my first gay bar during my freshman year at Morehead State University (MSU). The closest gay bars were either an hour east in Huntington, West Virginia or an hour west in Lexington, Kentucky. After a certain hour, you could get into the bars in Lexington at 18 years old, so one night my friends and I decided to go to the now-defunct Club 141. This is where we saw our first drag show. We had found our community.
My first gay bar was the Stonewall in Huntington. It was obviously named after the renowned historical bar in New York City. Jonathan and his friends took me. You could get in at age 18 all night long, so we went there quite often once I transferred to MSU. One of Jonathan’s friends that I’d met on campus soon became my first girlfriend.
Places of acceptance are important for our community—both presently and historically. A few establishments in Lexington have long histories of supporting LGBTQ+ folx including The Bar Complex and Crossings, which celebrated its 30th anniversary in the fall of 2019. The Lexington bar scene has a lot of crossover between people in the community, and we had the honor of getting to know several of them throughout this process…
LEXINGTON
Dominic S. Casanova, 24,
He/Him/His
Dominic is a performer based in Lexington. Motivation from a bad breakup inspired him to focus on his artistry and himself. However, he’s still only halfway out of the closet, as you can see represented by his pose in the threshold of the Closet Door. He’s come out to his friends and a few family members, but his immediate family still does not know that he is pansexual.
Follow him on Instagram: @just _ simply _ nic
Rebecca, 35,
She/Her/Hers
Rebecca is a lesbian that grew up in Versailles and moved to Lexington for college and then never left. Though she grew up in a religious household and still respects people’s beliefs, she no longer prescribes to religion. She had crushes on girls without realizing what it was. Rebecca didn’t have too much drama after coming out to her family, and more of them than she expected attended her wedding to her wife. In 2019 the two of them bought Crossings, a neighborly bar that welcomes everyone.
Check back soon for audio clips of Rebecca’s story.
EASTERN KENTUCKY
Noel, 23, & Shaina
She/Her/Hers & She/Her/Hers
Long before she knew anything about lesbian or straight, Noel began to develop crushes on a few of the girls in her class at her private Christian elementary school. When she confided in her male cousins and told them about her feelings, they quickly informed her that she couldn’t have crushes on other girls. And so she internalized her emotions and never mentioned any of the several girl crushes she would go on to have throughout adolescence and into her teens. As a teenager with the fear of damnation, Noel made it her goal to find a boyfriend—one who didn’t want to have sex. She found a respectful guy to date who believed it was her Christian morals that held her back from getting intimate. Noel had built a comfort zone around herself that she knew could never last. And so, inevitably, she and her boyfriend were destined for heartbreak. Shortly after their breakup, Noel found herself in a dark time. She was battling a restrictive eating disorder, she was confused about her sexuality, and then her closest cousin tragically and unexpectedly passed away. He’s the reason she began to be honest with herself. She still recalls how he would tease her about being a lesbian and would tell her random stories that led her to believe that he was okay with that. Noel was now open to the thought of liking women, or at least open to not shutting down the opportunity. She asked herself if she could like men romantically but not sexually? Was she actually asexual? Noel prayed for guidance. She was lost. At the end of her rope, Noel was tired of trying to be something she’s not. So she turned to Kristen, her best friend since kindergarten, to confess her truth. Kristen accepted her with open arms, but the weight of everything else was still taking a toll on Noel’s 18-year-old-mind. And it started to show at home. Enough so that her mother came to her and asked her what was wrong. Noel was hesitant to be honest because she didn’t want to be a “complete disappointment” to her mother, but the truth just came spilling out. Noel describes it almost as if she “fell out of the closet.” Noel was so mentally distraught that she had to come out to her mother who was sorry that she made Noel feel like she couldn’t come to her. Then her mother suggested she go to therapy to work through some things. Noel took that advice to heart, and now she knew she could face the world. Whatever people said to her about being a lesbian might be hurtful, but it no longer mattered because she knew her mom still loved her. In fact, her mom forced her girlfriend to create a Pinterest account so that she could share recipes! Opening up to her dad went well too. If he hears something on the news, like a stupid comment from Trump about the LGBTQ+ community, he’s the first to tell Noel about it. Her father is surprisingly progressive for being a “lil’ country farmer fella”. He hates the far right side of politics and raised Noel the same way. Noel boasts that he’s a rarity for Eastern Kentucky. “It’s scary to come out thinking that you’re the only person supporting yourself,” Noel states. Her biggest concern for the LGBTQ+ community is mental health, especially with younger people.
Cassandra, 32, She/Her/Goddess
& Cameron, 11,
He/Him/Queen
Cassandra identifies as a bisexual black and caucasian woman who lives in the Appalachian region of Kentucky. She is a fierce mama bear who accepted her son when he told her at 7 years old that he liked boys. Cameron has lost friends because they told him he was going to Hell. But this queen is strong and resilient with a tight family unit who has his back. Cassandra is definitely protective as is evident when Cameron’s classmates recently called him a “n***er fa**ot.” She immediately stormed down to the school to take control of the situation. Notice how they both choose to flip off the Closet Door because they refuse to be trapped inside.
Check back soon for video clips from their interview.
...Coming out is a lifelong, daily process. You have to do it multiple times every day. My Big Brother came out to me when he visited from college. I was a junior in high school, and he picked me up from band practice. I’ll never forget—when I got into the car, he stole my star-shaped sucker (what a b*tch) and nonchalantly told me about his first kiss which happened to be with a boy.
And so she casually proceeded to tell me that she was bisexual. I felt horrible because I had been so f*cking consumed with figuring out my own sexuality for so long that I had never even stopped to think about hers. Shortly thereafter I came out to Mommy on the phone from my freshman dorm room by talking about the boys in the theatre department who were flirting with me. She couldn’t quite find the right words, and so I asked her if she was asking me what I thought she was asking me, and if she was, the answer was yes. To which she responded, “Okay, just be careful and don’t be late for class.” It wasn’t until years later that she told me she had blamed herself for me being gay. Eventually she realized she’d done nothing wrong and I was the good person she intended to raise. My relationship with my parents has grown so much since I shared my truth with them. That conversation inspired the project.
After Jonathan came out to our parents, it created a path that made it easier for me to do the same. I am honored to help him help others with this project.
We hope that our journey and The 20/20 Tour gives you new perspectives on the LGBTQ+ community in Kentucky. Remember that you are not alone.
Sincerely,
The Siblings Mayo
J-Star & F*Bomb
J-Star, Daddy & F*Bomb AT A RELATIVE’S WEDDING
Mommy, F*Bomb & J-Star MEET FOR LUNCH DURING A VISIT FOR THE PROJECT